Hi, friends! I am sure all of you have heard the news that we have a baby boy coming in December. Since we found out two weeks ago, we have both been on cloud nine. We are overjoyed that we will have a little one here before Christmas. It seems like so far away, but I know the time will come quickly. We are looking forward to starting our registries and doing some long awaited baby shopping.
As I have been pondering since we found out about our match, I have been thinking how different this adoption process has been for me. It has been a unique feeling “to be Expecting but not Carrying”. I guess the biggest thing I have noticed is it feeling a lot more surreal. I have to keep reminding myself that this is really happening! With each of our pregnancies, I had the baby growing in my belly, I was sick, tired, had dr.’s visits, was hormonal and had all the normal pregnancy symptoms. I could literally feel my body changing. With this, I don’t have any of that. I always gave Tom a hard time with our pregnancies because I felt like maybe he wasn’t as excited as I was. He would always explain it just wasn’t “real” to him yet, he was excited but in a different way than I was. He couldn’t feel what I was feeling and the changes I was going through. I am now starting to understand what that is like. I am expecting a baby but the baby isn’t growing inside of me, but instead through our wonderful birth mother. I worry endlessly about her. I worry about her emotions, is she safe, does she have food, is she eating good things, is she taking a vitamin, is she getting enough rest, how are her doctor appointments, is she getting the counseling she needs, what can we do for her to help her through this pregnancy and the list of worries goes on and on. All of these things are constantly running through my mind. I imagine this is how Tom has felt with each of our pregnancies. He wanted to do everything to make sure I was taking care of myself, but he wasn’t carrying or in control of my body so it was different for him. The most difficult thing is knowing that we are not in control. We have an incredible birth mother who is giving us the most wonderful gift anyone could ever give. The love she has for her baby is so touching and it has been so humbling for me to see such a selfless act of service from her. I have learned that we have to trust Heavenly Father that all will work out and that our birth mother will be taken care of and be okay.
I have been asked on several occasions if we are as excited for our “adopted” baby as we have been “our own”, whatever that means. To this comment I find myself biting my tongue. To answer that question, Absolutely! We are just as thrilled. It doesn’t matter how a baby comes to a family. I know this is our path and how our family was supposed to grow. Honestly, in that way, this pregnancy feels no different to me. We loved this baby before we ever knew about him and our love grew exponentially when we found out that we were matched and expecting a boy. He is ours, we love him with all of our hearts. I can’t imagine the love we will feel when we meet him because I already feel like I love him more than I can describe in words. Through our adoption process, I have gained such peace in knowing that I didn’t ever need to carry a baby, I simply needed to love a baby. To have someone to care for and to give my all to. That is what Tom and I have been longing for is to love a child and to help that child. No family is made the same. Our story is different from so many. Our baby won’t look like us, he won’t have our eyes or our same hair he won’t share our same DNA, but he will be ours and I know this is Heavenly Father’s way of getting him to our family. So yes, we are ecstatic and can’t wait to meet him. Life is funny and it doesn’t usually go as planned, however, I have found great peace in realizing this is our journey. It has been and continues to be a beautiful ride and I can’t wait for what is in store.
Thank you for your continued love and support. Prayers for our amazing birth mother would mean so much. When we talked with her I told her that she has a huge community here supporting her, and it really meant so much to her. I wish all of you could get to know her. She is genuine and truly wants what is best for her baby. I will be sure to keep you updated through the blog as updates come.