It’s been a little while since I have posted here. I guess you can say we have been a little pre-occupied. We have been having so much fun getting ready for our boy and also planning the last of our fundraisers. Life seems very surreal right now and we are loving the energy and excitement.
I said in the beginning that I wanted this space to be very real, honest and open. So here I am opening up a little. The last few days I have been struggling a lot with all of the unknowns that come with adoption. When we first found out we were matched I was overjoyed, I was on what some might call cloud nine, and I still am. After we talked with our birth mother on the phone I had an overwhelming amount of peace come over me. I have felt all would go smoothly, and I continue to feel that it will. However, people ask questions, lots of questions. Some that I have answers to, and many that I do not. This journey is a huge learning experience for us too, so we don’t have many answers. One of the most asked questions we are getting is, what if your birth mother backs out and decides to parent? For me, this question makes me feel physically and emotionally ill, and in my opinion is almost rude. I feel like no pregnancy is perfect, things happen (we have experienced several pregnancies not going as planned) and just like with any pregnancy, adoption isn’t perfect. You wouldn’t ask a pregnant lady, what if your pregnancy fails… so why would you ask an adoptive couple what if their adoption fails? What if??? There are so many “what if’s” when adopting, as there are with a “normal” pregnancy. Is this a possibility? Absolutely! We would be naive to think it is not. Failed adoptions do happen. However, my response to this question is; we remain optimistic, we rely on the Lord, we have faith, we educate ourselves and realize that a failed adoption is always a possibility. But, most importantly we pray and hope for the very best!
I know people ask this question because they are concerned for us. We all have those “what if” thoughts. However, I am choosing not to focus on the things that are out of our control. I think through this process we have learned that what happens is completely out of our control, and we trust that God’s hand is guiding us as well as our birth mother through this journey. Some know that I am a very high-stress person. I worry often about things I can’t control, like earthquakes, people dying, the second coming, the list goes on and on. I worry about things that I have no answer for and zero control over. I would ask you to join with me in having happy thoughts. Not only for our adoption situation but any situation that is out of our own control. I also would encourage you to be cautious of the questions you ask and how they may come across. I think it is important to be aware of the things that could happen, but not to focus on those. It is easy to let those worries be our only thought and consume us. This is such a Joyful time for us and I don’t want to lose the happiness and peace we are feeling by worrying about the unknowns. I don’t want to focus on the fear. I pray every day, that our birth mother will have peace and comfort in her decision, and I am confident she does. That is what I rely on in these moments of doubt. I rely on my testimony that Heavenly Father is with us, as well as our baby and his loving and courageous birth mother.
The anxiety comes in waves, some days I don’t even think about it, other days my mind is consumed by the fears. We have had so much loss, that the thought of a failed adoption literally tears at my heart. But, I have realized stressing over that just takes away the celebration and excitement that waiting for him has been and continues to be. We have been so happy and calm through our journey. This quote is a reminder to me that I truly have to rely on my faith and not let the mountains that my doubt creates get in the way, especially those mountains that are out of my control. So far things are very optimistic. Our conversations with our birth mother have been incredible. She is truly an amazing girl. Thank you for your unwavering love and support. We are truly humbled and grateful for you. When the what if’s come to mind, I hope to have faith, patience and continue to pray. I have to turn to my Heavenly Father and be reminded that all is in his hands. I challenge you to do the same when those thoughts get you down and those moments you start to question and worry about the things out of your control.
And speaking of happy thoughts…. 74 days until baby boy is due!!!! But, who’s counting….? 😉 Also, I caught the hours, mins and seconds exactly on his due date…. 12/9/2017 can’t come soon enough.